A response to a thread called: Monogamy or polyamory?

A comment (or a novel) that I made as a response to a question about monogamy or polyamory someone made on an online forum:



Wall of text, coming up: In my opinion defining and labeling things kills life. Life is ever changing and growing; labeling stuff will cause pain and suffering because life and "stuff" will either grow out of its category or suffocate in it. Life is movement and conversion of energy, if you stop it and try to make it hold still (e.g. try to make something stay in its category, class or label) it is either too strong to stay in those boundaries thus breaking them and crushing your reality, or it'll stop moving (staying still in that category, class or label) and as we know if something is still, it's somewhat dead and cold (heat is movement) and also in this case you'll lose what you cling to.

Little of topic, but maybe this'll get you see the mentality what I am trying to convey: Let's say you see "a tree" have you ever thought that actually, that it isn't "a tree", but you are, by labeling it, telling it to be "a tree", instead of letting it tell you what it is. Someone might even see "a tree" and force it to be "his future kitchen table" In other words, by labeling, naming and categorising things you are telling the the reality that "you are this" and "you are that" and in a way denying reality a chance to express itself. It's like telling someone what they are saying, without listening what they are really trying to say. Don't get me wrong, language is a great tool, but that's just it, and you should use tools only when needed. Sure you can go around carrying hammer all the time and use it on everything... I think you get the idea..

Here's quote from a video, that I am going to link:


"If you name me, you negate me. By giving me a name, a label, you negate all the other things I could possibly be."

– Søren Kierkegaard

Labeling a dog as "a dog" doesn't make a dog dead per se, but it makes it dead to you, what I mean is you'll start ignoring its true expression and only see it through a filter. We go through much of our daily lives labeling and naming stuff and then ignoring them because we already "know" what they are, I mean have you ever REALLY listened what kind of sounds your hear, how does it feel hearing a ticking clock or or a car outside, just hearing the sound as it is without putting it or its source anywhere, without making "sense" of it. Once you name it and its source, you'll stop listening it and your mind wanders of to somewhere "more important". It's dead to you, the reality around you, your senses, because your thoughts of it are more important somehow.

Same goes for repetition, a thing that does only the same things over and over again, is in a way still. And actually we don't consider those things living, we call them machines. A person who wakes up 5 am every morning, goes to work, comes back home, watches TV, goes to sleep, wakes up and repeats this every day of his/her life, has experienced just one day. Diversity, changes, variety, growth are what make an experince rich and give it contrast. By witnessing change, growth etc you can see that something is alive. But there is also a place for stillness, because a thing is moving only if there's something staying relatively still. No light without darkness. But maybe I digress..

Anyway.. I personally don't name or define my relationships, not even as an "open relationship" because there are still some expectations. In a way I am in a relationship with everyone, but there are some differences in depth, but in another way I am in a "relationship" with no one. She or someone else will hang around if I deserve it and the other way around, if I feel bad or taken advantage of, I leave. My own well-being comes first, that might sound selfish, but I have tried the all-out altruistic way and it made me feel bitter and unappreciated, and that lead me hurting all the people I love. So beinag honest to myself and by not trying and pretending to be any better or anything thing else than I really am, I am doing everyone a favour by saving everyone's time and expressing my opinions and feelings honestly(I don't believe in intentionally hurting people or being rude without a reason)

-Life is a game, but the players are real.

-Controlling stuff leads to frustration and wears you out.

-Don't hurt others, because you wouldn't want to get hurt either.

-Express yourself honestly and fully and realize that you don't get to choose your preferences: you like what you like because of.. reasons. e.g. imagine the first time you tasted vanilla ice cream, was it your choice to like it or not? Or did you just discover that? We actually don't know who we are and we have this lifetime to find out and to get to know ourselves.

-Your values and opinions change, so be careful when making promises to others or to yourself

Here's a couple of videos of somewhat related videoseries I'll link parts 1 and 2, there are four in total, I think most of you have seen the series, but if someone hasn't:


https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aXuTt7c3Jkg

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIMoxXO0XvM