A response to a SW thread

Success is failing a lot, and it happens when you least expect it, when you have already given up on it, but still doing the thing out of habit, without trying to do it.

"Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you; but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder."

I have done nothing, but failed in my life. I have never succeeded at anything I have done nothing but disappointed everyone, no matter how hard I tried. My father died because I failed to act, at first he had a stroke and in that situation every minute counts, but I was too shy to ask for our neighbors for help, so precious minutes lost there and lots of damage done because of it: Hemiparesis, right side of his body paralyzed. Then about 10 years later he had a heart attack, because of an argument he had with me and then I failed to resuscitate him properly. He died because I was a failure, I did everything wrong it that situation.

My fears have caused another death also. I failed my marriage, ended up hurting and disappointing everyone I ever knew, I dropped out of engineering school, I was homeless for about 1-2 years, lost all of my friends, I can't think of a single thing that was successful. I have never been respected by others, I have always been the outcast, even among other outcasts. I have always been alone, even within my own family.

But the thing is that I can still respect myself. I know, even though I failed, that I tried my best. I gave everything I got, even when I thought I didn't, I did everything to the best of my knowledge and skill. I know how hard it was, and I alone know that. I alone carry that weight. No one else knows, they don't even care, so they are in no position to judge. They can't really give praise or respect either, without the knowledge those are hollow and have no real meaning.

Since I am alone with myself, I'll always have someone who is at least honest with me. I know hard it is to even try, especially if I am way in over my head. I know hard it is to be willing to fail, to try something even though it might end up in total failure. That's courage, that's something I can respect in myself. Because I know no one else does. Without failure success means nothing, the more you fail the better the success tastes.

“'I failed' is ten times more of a man than someone who says 'what if', because 'what if' never went to the arena”

Don't chase other people's validation, recognition, respect or praise, don't do the things they value, do the things that make you happy what you can respect. Validate yourself. You are the only one that can truly appreciate yourself. Other people always want the result without the effort, thus they cannot truly appreciate its value, thus you can never earn their respect, but you can earn yours.

Think of it this way: You are needed here. Life, universe, reality, whatever needs you, because if it didn't it would've killed you off at the very moment you stopped being essential to it. Life needs you to exist, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Just think about that for a moment. Would you exist if you were unneeded and unnecessary?

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If you fail, learn from your mistakes, you know where you failed, you know what to avoid next time. You go little further and you probably might fail again, then you learn from that one as well. Each time you start again, you hone your skill, gain experience and get a little further and eventually you'll reach the finishing line.

That is how you succeed. (A game called Dark Souls is a great example of this.)

"Those who aren't doing it, will always criticize those who do." Don't believe other people's unmotivating words, other people will always try to drag you down to their level because your willingness try to reminds them of their inability to do the same. You make them feel insecure, pay no attention to them.

And maybe due time, some of them might learn to appreciate your persistence or at least get motivated by you. BUT THAT SHOULD NOT BE YOUR GOAL, your goal is to earn your own respect, not the respect of others. Other people can't give you happiness, only you can.